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摘 要

婚姻一直以来被称作是人生中的大事，从某种程度上说它对一个人后半生的幸福起到了关键的作用。然而每个人对婚姻都有不一样的观点，这样的差异在两个不同的国度尤其明显。本文通过对一部有着浓厚中美婚姻冲突电影——《喜宴》的解析来研究中美婚姻观的差异,并且将这些差异归结为三大类，分别为婚姻形式，选择对象和价值观的差异。从这些差异中，一方面可以了解美国的文化，在跨文化交流中有效地避免文化冲突。另一方面，也可以从差异中获得启示，为未来自我的婚姻观打下基础。

关键词：中美；婚姻观；差异；冲突

Contents

1. Introduction 1

2. Literature Review 1

3. Brief Introduction of The Wedding Banquet 2

4. Differences between Chinese and American Marriage Concepts in “ The Wedding Banquet” 3

4.1 Differences in ceremony 3

4.2 Differences in choosing marriage partner 6

4.3 Differences in values 8

5. Reasons for the Different Concepts 10

6. Conclusion 11

Works Cited 13

1. Introduction

Facing the growing trend of the integration of our world, we are now in touch with more people from all over the world than ever before, which sometimes will lead to several intercultural problems. For example, we may hardly understand American way of shopping, ceremony of marriage or their world values, etc. On the contrary, it may also difficulty for them to agree with us. So in this way, it’s necessary for us to communicate with each other, know the differences, understand the reasons and accept different cultures at last.

This essay is focus on the differences of marriage concepts between Chinese and American culture. As it is known to all that marriage plays a significance role in one’s life and has great influences on one’s happiness. Then what does marriage mean? “Marriage is a socially legitimate sexual union, begun with a public announcement and undertaken with some idea of permanence; it is assumed with a more or less explicit marriage contract, which spells out reciprocal rights and obligations between spouses, and between the spouses and their future children.”(Stephens 5) Or generally speaking, marriage is known as “ the legal relationship between a husband and wife”.(Oxford Advanced Learner’s English-Chinese Dictionary, 1236).

The Wedding Banquet, which is a well known movie for its cultural conflicts between Chinese and American marriage concepts, is very appropriate for the analysis. Besides, movie as an efficient mass media is popular among people of all ages. By watching movies, people can not only enjoy themselves , but also get knowledge of different kinds of cultures. Therefore, this paper takes the wedding banquet as a case to get a better understanding of different marriage concepts.

2. Literature Review

In recent years, many researchers have devoted themselves to the study of intercultural communication and made great achievements. In terms of marriage, people from different countries always hold different opinions. In fact, there is a considerable difference between Chinese and American culture in terms of marriage concept.

The primary source material for this thesis includes Differences of Morality and Etiquettes between China and Western Countries from The Wedding Banquet, written by Yang Fengjuan; Study the different cultures between China and Western countries reflected from The Wedding Banquet, written by Shen Guorong; Cultural Identity Construction in the Differences between China and Western Cultures by Analyzing Pushing Hands and The Wedding Banquet, written by Lu Lei. The Conflicts and Reconciliations between Chinese and Western Cultures in Ang Lee’s movies, taking “ The Wedding Banquet” as an example, written by Zhang Mengya. And several other relative thesiss. The work of Yang Fengjuan is central to social morality and etiquettes. It states the development of Chinese and Western morality from ancient times to the present and points their differences from The Wedding Banquet. The work of Shen Guorong is focus on cultural differences which involve many aspects such as marriage, family concepts. Lu Lei’s paper covers four parts of differences between China and Western countries, including diet, marriage, family and sexual orientation. And Zhang Mengya’s thesis emphasizes the features of Ang Lee’s movies and talks conflicts and reconciliation between Chinese and Western cultures from a general point of view.

By studying their papers, I get a deeper understanding of the wedding banquet. But at the same time, I find few of them took a deep research on marriage concepts, which are definitely worthwhile for us to know. Therefore the purpose of this paper is to study different marriage concepts between China and America.

3. Brief Introduction of The Wedding Banquet

The wedding banquet was directed by Ang Lee, which was well known for its cultural conflicts between China and America in marriage concepts. Gao Weitong, a Chinese man living in the United States, was thirty-three years old and unmarried. He was a gay and had a homosexual lover named Simon. But Gao was always worrying about his own marriage as his parents were eager to see him get married and have a child in order to continue the family line.

Gao had a house which was rent to a Chinese girl, Weiwei who was a penniless artist from mainland China and in need of a green card or would be expelled from the United States soon. In this case, Gao’s lover Simon suggested him pretending to get married with Weiwei. They thought it can not only please Gao’s parents but also help Weiwei to stay there.

Hearing the marriage news, Gao’s parents flied to America immediately. However, Gao and Weiwei just had a courthouse wedding ceremony to get a marriage certificate, which made Gao’s parents greatly disappointed. So then they had no choice but to hold a magnificent Chinese wedding banquet for compensation. After the banquet, Weiwei forced herself on Gao and became pregnant. As soon as knowing this news, Simon felt very upset and could not help quarreling with Gao in English. After serious consideration, Gao decided to tell the truth to his mother . Although his mum was greatly shocked, she forgave him finally but avoided telling her husband the truth. It was not until one day when Gao’s father said “happy birthday” to Simon in English that they realized he had already known everything. Just because his conversational concept and for sake of his grandchild , he pretended to know nothing. After making an appointment to an abortion, Weiwei decided to keep the baby and asked Simon to stay together with Weitong and be the baby’s other father.

At the end of the movie, Gao’s father forged an emotional bond to Weiwei and warmly shaken his hand with Simon, then walked off to board the aircraft, leaving Weitong, Simon and Weiwei hugging each other with complex emotions.

4. Differences between Chinese and American Marriage Concepts in “ The Wedding Banquet”

4.1 Differences in ceremony

In the movie of “ the wedding banquet”, Weitong and Weiwei had a very simple American wedding ceremony at the first time. On that day, Weitong wore a black suit and Weiwei just in a white dress. Then they went to the marriage registration office to get the marriage certificate without any other celebrations. From Chinese view, it can hardly mean marriage if they just get the marriage certificate but without a big wedding banquet. Although their way of marriage ceremony may also too simple for Americans, people respect and accept it as many people choose this way for their wedding. But for conservative Chinese, it is hard to be understood. Therefore as soon as they got the marriage certificate, Weitong’s mother could not help crying. She felt so sorry for the simple wedding ceremony which is so different from Chinese grand way. Faced with this situation, Simon suggested to have a family dinner to celebrate this special day. Then they went to a fancy Chinese restaurant. To their surprise, they met an acquaintance called Laochen, who once a driver of Gao’s father. He had become the owner of that restaurant. After several talks, he was shocked to know that day was Weitong’s wedding day and they just celebrated in that way without any wedding banquets. So he insisted to have a big banquet for them though Weitong was unwilling to. Under the pressure from parents, Weitong and Weiwei had to hold a Chinese wedding banquet. They kowtowed to parents to show respect. Then Weiwei drank lotus seed soup and had a little boy jump on their bed in order to have a baby soon. Compared with American wedding, Chinese wedding is much more lively. And the new couples’ friends tried their best to make them drink as much as possible.

From this, we can see Chinese wedding ceremony has a big difference from that of American. The wedding banquet is seen more important for Chinese than Americans. “ In China, just getting the marriage certificate can not be regarded as the real marriage until they have already hold a wedding banquet. But for Americans, the marriage certificate could present the real marriage.” （Yang Fengjuan 064）

Furthermore, in China, marriage usually involves three books and six rites. “ The so-called “three books” refers to letters of appointment, gift books and the bridal books. The “six rites” refers to namely, proposing, asking the name, asking for fortune, sending betrothal present to girl’s family, discussing the date of marriage and meeting the bride. When everything is ready, the wedding will go to the climax——welcome the bride. The most typical tool is sedan. In Chinese it’s called “ba tai da jiao”. It will be carried by four people or eight people. At that time, the sedan usually follows a band, which beats drums and blows trumpets all the way. The purpose of this behavior is to make the people of the neighboring villages aware of the marriage. Only in this way, the wedding can be considered as formal marriage. After the bride arriving home, there is a most important ceremony. In Chinese, it is called “ bai tang”. Only after that, the two persons can be recognized as husband and wife and the marriage can be established.”

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To some extent, Chinese marriage customs are complicated. But different countries have different customs and from the complicated details and figurative meaning of the wedding supplies, there is no national boundary on people’s respect and expectations for marriage.

In America, the wedding highlights four features. “ They are new, old, borrowed, and blue. The so-called “new” refers to the bride will wear a new white dress to show the beginning of a new life; “old” refers to the bride’s veil must be the old(typically used when her mother married) to show she will not forget the kindness of her parents; “borrowed” refers to the bride’s handkerchief is borrowed from her girlfriends to show she will never forget friendship; “blue” refers to the bride wears blue ribbon. This means she has won sincere love.”(http://www.docin.com/p-652918290.html) American wedding is usually saint and solemn. So the wedding is often held in a church or other quiet places. A religious wedding ceremony will be held in a church and conducted by a minister or priest. “ Generally, the bride wears a long white wedding dress and her face is covered in a white veil. The traditional wedding ceremony begins with bridemaids and ushers walking slowly down a center aisle to the altar. Then the groom and his best men enter and stand with the minster, facing the audience and waiting for the bride. When the “wedding march” is played, the bride’s attendants enter. The maid of honor enters first and then the flower girls. The bride is usually the last to enter and comes with her father, who gives her away at the altar. The young couple repeat their vows at the alter.”

(http://www.docin.com/p-652918290.html) Traditionally, they promise to love each other “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” Then the groom puts the wedding ring on the ring finger of bride’s left hand and the bride also gives the groom a ring. Finally the minister announces the bid moment: “ I now pronounce you are husband and wife. You may kiss your bride!” When the groom lifts bride’s veil to kiss her, the husband announces that he accepts her as his wife. The wedding ceremony usually lasts no more than forty-five minutes. When it’s finished, the groom and bride will join hands to walk out of church in music and other people will throw rose petals and confetti to bless them.

According to the movie and relative customs, the differences in ceremony can be divided into three parts. The first is the different choices of wedding place. Americans often view marriage as a most solemn and serious thing, so they would like to choose quiet places like churches to celebrate it. But for Chinese, marriage is not just connected with the two persons but the two families. Thus they usually have a big banquet with relatives and friends as many as possible. In the movie, we can also know that Chinese marriage witness was not a minister or priest but Weitong’s father. The second difference is about wedding decorations. As mentioned before, in American wedding ceremony, the bride usually wear something new, old, borrowed and blue. They present different meanings. Although with the integration of our world, we learn something from other countries like wearing white dresses, changing wedding rings etc. On the other hand, we also keep our own customs. For example, in the wedding banquet, Weiwei wear both white and red wedding dresses. There is no doubt that red is a typical color for Chinese as we think it’s lucky and festive. The third obvious difference is about the responses of relatives and friends. In America, the wedding ceremony usually lasts no more than forty-five minutes and ends up with blessings from people. However, Chinese wedding ceremony often finishes till night. Because there is an important process called “ nao dong fang” in Chinese. The bride and groom are often tricked for entertainment and people will not leave until they all feel exhausted.

4.2 Differences in choosing marriage partner

First of all, in “The wedding banquet” , Gao Weitong, as a thirty-three-year-old unmarried man was urged to date with a girl arranged by his parents. Because “for centuries the nuclear family served as the focal point of social organization and production in traditional Chinese society and the family was firmly anchored in the Confucian philosophy of filial piety and the universal belief that the family is more important than the individual.” (Paul 121-125) Therefore, most of marriages were arranged by the family elders in traditional China. “For the bride and groom were not important in the historical scheme of things, rather it was the family and the perpetuation of the male line that was of utmost importance. Consequently arranged marriages were of critical importance in Chinese society and each family made every effort to find the right woman to produce the male heirs that were essential to the preservation of the family name and the male line of descent.” (Francis L. K. 79-93). On the contrary, Simon as Weitong’s boyfriend was an American, and he had little pressure of marriage from his family.

Secondly, at beginning of the movie, we know that Gao weitong was a gay and he had a boyfriend who had lived with him for more than five years. When it comes to homosexuality, people usually feel wried and hard to understand them. But from the movie, we can see it has already been acceptable in America at that time. For example, there is a scene in the movie that a boy kissed Simon and asked him out. This was all seen by their neighbors, but the boy did not feel embarrassed or something bad and even grimaced at them. So although not all Americans agree with this kind of love, they show their respect and homosexuals are not afraid to admit themselves. But homosexuals are still hardly accepted by most Chinese even today. They are not admitted by Chinese law and they get great pressure from society. “In the movie, Gao Weitong was a Chinese living in New York and made a good fortune by his own, so to some extent, he was a successor. And his career or life was never affected by his identity as a homosexual. However, if Gao Weitong was living in China, he may well be blamed for being a homosexual. No matter how great or successful he is, he can hardly be accepted by the public.” （Shen Guorong 20）As homosexuality is so different from our traditional culture that most Chinese families are unwilling to admit it. But “ in China, both homosexuality and bisexuality date back to at least the Bronze Age. According to some estimates, 100 million Chinese, or 7 percent of the country’s population, are gay. Although Chinese officials disapprove of homosexuality, Chinese psychiatrists have recently stopped classifying homosexuality as a mental disease. Several magazines are devoted to gay life, Internet chatrooms are burgeoning, and some gays and lesbians have celebrated “ wedding ceremonies” although these marriages are not legally recognized.” (Mary Ann 169)

Last but not least, as mentioned before that Chinese marriage customs involve six rites which include asking for fortune and sending betrothal to girl’s family. In fact, it indicates a Chinese concept that the two families should be similar in economy or social status. Generally, if a boy’s family is well-off or an official family, his parents can hardly permit him to marry a poor girl. This concept still has its role for many Chinese even today. Besides, in China when children are in their late twenties or so, their parents will usually worry about their marriage very much and begin to urge them to get married as soon as possible. For example, in “ the wedding banquet”, Weitong was thirty-three years old and his parents began to persuade him to get a marriage partner soon and sent him a blank form to fill out with all kinds of requirements for an ideal girl. But for Americans, parents seldom intervene in their children’s marriage. Americans are often very independent when they become adults. So in this movie, Simon’s parents were also not as concerned as Gao’s parents. What’s more, Americans often focus on the marriage partner herself or himself instead of their family backgrounds or something else.

4.3 Differences in values

Compared with the multicultural and open of American culture, Chinese culture is more conservative. In the movie, Weitong’s Chinese wedding banquet indicated traditional Chinese culture while the love between him and Simon suggested American marriage values.

First of all, “for Chinese, when their sons grow up to be adults, it’s granted for them to get married and have babies. But in this movie, the director made a trouble for the parents as Weitong was a gay who even had an American homosexual lover. This is definitely not allowed in traditional Chinese culture. And it’s the most serious conflict of the movie.” （Shen Guorong 20）Chinese can not bear homosexuals while they are accepted in America. “When Weitong could not help telling the truth to his mother, though she was greatly shocked , she kept it secret from Weitong’s father. This is because Weitong’s mother is very conservative and she knew her husband very well who could never accept his son was a gay. In traditional Chinese values, homosexuality is in contrast to morality and it’s incorrect and illegal.” （Shen Guorong 20）

Secondly, one important value of Chinese marriage is to be obedient. How to be obedient? When you come to the age of marriage, you should get married. Because in Chinese view, marriage is not an individual business but connected with the whole family. It has become the responsibility for them to get married and have babies since ancient time. “Chinese marriage gives a great emphasis on the birth of next generation, for which they can even ignore their own emotions and sacrifice their happiness.” （Zhang Mengya 24）However, it’s totally opposite in America as people get married for love instead of tradition or social pressure. “ Americans advocate freedom of individuals and every aspect of personal life is protected by laws.” （Zhang Mengya 24）“Marriage and babies are all results from love. Moreover, two unmarried people can live together as long as they love each other and regardless of marriage. So homosexuality can also be permitted in America for the pure love.” （Shen Guorong 20）By comparison, Americans are more independent and individualistic. When they are over eighteen years old, their parents will seldom pay for them or decide their business. Simon is a good example in this movie. He was not ever persuaded by his parents to get married but chose his own way of living.

Lastly, for traditional Chinese, the grand level of wedding banquet is proportional to their social status or fortune. So Gao’s father, as a formal army officer felt very embarrassed and angry at the simple wedding ceremony. And Gao’s mother even cried after their marriage registration. But for Gao weitong and Weiwei who have already been affected by American culture care little about the ceremony of wedding. That’s to say, Americans regard the wedding banquet as their own affair and think it has no business with other people. While a grand wedding banquet is perfectly fine for Chinese, which to some degree presenting people’s acceptance for the marriage, and can not be omitted.

5. Reasons for the Different Concepts

Just as the saying goes that “ where there is smoke, there is fire.” As a matter of fact, the differences between Chinese and American marriage concepts can also be contributed to the reasons as followed.

The first is due to different living environments. As we all know, China is a continental country, which is in the east of Asia and easily isolated from outside. Besides, during the Ming and Qing Dynasties, the feudal rulers adopted the policy of exclusion, which not only avoided people from communicating with people from other countries, but also closed their visions and minds to some extent. Differ from China, America is close to ocean and its citizens are mainly immigrants from all over the world. Furthermore, “ Chinese feudal society has a history of thousands of years, during which people’s sources of income are mainly from agriculture. As a result, Chinese people had few opportunities to be in touch with other cultures or something new. In the context of such culture, Chinese ability to accept new things is greatly inferior to Westerners, whose culture is always open.” （Shen Guorong 20）So in the movie, when it comes to homosexuality, although not all Americans agree with this kind of love, they show their respect and homosexuals are not afraid to admit themselves in the twentieth century. “ In the growing trend of multi-cultural society, homosexuality has become a common atmosphere in western countries and they are even admitted the legitimacy. For example, there are about twenty cities in America, which accept the registration of homosexual couples.” （Lu Lei 69）But homosexuals are still hardly be accepted by Chinese even today.

The second is because of different traditions. Chinese history can date back to two thousand years ago, during which Confucianism was the basic culture. It advocates social hierarchy and requests people to obey parents completely. “ Being obedient is a key point in Chinese tradition. In a Chinese family, youngers are asked to respect and show filial obedience to the elderly. So in order to please parents, Weitong pretended to get married with Weiwei. Although this marriage cheated his parents, it indicated Chinese way of obedience to some extent.” （Yang Fengjuan 064）For Chinese, it hurts parents if they do not get married or have the next generation. In one word, Chinese appreciate more family happiness than individuals’ . Compared with China, America is a younger nation and most of its citizens are Christians who believe in God. In their point of view, all men are created equal even parents cannot punish their children at will. So they form an individualistic value and take the marriage as their own business. For example, as a pair of gay people, Weitong got great marriage pressure from his family and feared to tell his sexual orientation to parents, while Simon got little pressure or fears from parents or the public. And for Americans, when they meet conflicts between work and family, they will usually give priority to the latter.

The third can be related with social morality. For Chinese, it is also affected by Confucianism, which puts a great emphasis on people’s emotions and social harmony. “ Chinese traditional views of science and reason have great influences on society. It suggests the fundamental goal of researching and creating science is to advocate harmonious personal relationship and the stabilization of society.” （An Yunfeng 51）It also suggests people from similar families to get married and kids are more important than love in marriage. For example, when Weitong’s parents had already known his sexual orientation and the fake marriage, they pretended to know nothing in order to get their grandchild. However, American culture is derived from Europeans who think highly of reason and science. So marriage in America is more like a contract between the two individuals. Other people even their parents can hardly interrupt with it. “So in the movie, Weitong and Simon lived a happy life in America. They were free to kiss and say goodbye to each other in front of their neighbors and Simon got respect and support from his parents after telling them his homosexual orientation.” （Lu Lei 69）

6. Conclusion

From the analysis above, we can have a clear knowledge of different marriage concepts between Chinese and Americans. Chinese regard marriage as a family business that emphasize similar family background or social status and specially focus on having the next generation. Americans, on the other hand, regard marriage as an individual business and others can hardly interrupt with it. Another important difference mentioned in the analysis is about homosexualism. Chinese can hardly accept this kind of love and it’s very rejected in China even today. But in America, most people have accepted homosexuals and respected them as normal persons in the twentieth century. Just as the saying goes“everything happens for a reason”, there are also some reasons for these different concepts and I divide them into three aspects as mentioned above.

Although there are many differences between Chinese and American marriage concepts, they also have some things in common. Because there is no boundary on people’s respect and expectation for marriage. For example,both Chinese and Americans take marriage seriously and try hard to find the right marriage partner. Therefore it is necessary for us to seek common ground while reserving differences, and only in this way can we have a better understanding of each other.

Finally, I hope this paper can be useful for our cross-cultural communication. Besides it’s worthwhile for us to learn some advanced thoughts from American culture and meanwhile keep our good traditions.

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Oxford Advanced Learner’s English-Chinese Dictionary. 2009,1236.

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Stephens,William N. The Family in Cross-Cultural Perspective. Washington, D.C. University Press of America, [1982], c1963.

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杨凤娟. 《从lt;喜宴gt;看中西方道德礼仪文化的差异》. 电影文学，14（2012）.

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